Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony : Q & A

There are many Chinese wedding traditions that are still practiced in this modern day. One of the most popular is the Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony. A time to show respect to the bride and grooms elders and thanking and showing appreciation for raising them. If it’s a large family, do prepare for some time for the couple to be on their knees!

Chinese Tea Ceremony : Photo by Ken Lam Photography

The Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony can be an intimate occasion or today, it is also common to invite guests to be part of this respectful moment. Traditionally, the bride will give tea to her parents on her own on the morning of her wedding, before the groom arrives to meet his wife to be {once all the gents have passed their Door Games!}

It is very likely that the majority of couples want to give tea to both sides of the family. Traditionally, the grooms parents have always been served tea first. However, as ‘Door Games’ are fun and popular, it may be that the bride and groom decide to give tea to the brides family first.

If giving tea to both families at the same time of the day, it is traditional that the grooms parents and elders are served first. Once all the grooms elders have been served, it will be followed by serving to the brides family.

 Here I answer some of the most asked questions associated with the Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony -

• “I’m having Door Games, when is the best time to serve tea?” ~ Following on from the Door Games, both you the bride and groom can serve Chinese wedding tea to your parents and elders in your family home or where you get ready in. With your groom, you can then travel together to your marriage ceremony venue. On arrival you can either choose to give tea to the grooms parents and elders before the marriage ceremony or have it at the reception afterwards. I will always advise to check with elders right at the beginning of planning to confirm if anyone has a preference on timings and who is served first.

• “I would like to have the Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony after a western style marriage ceremony, how can I time it?” ~ If you wish, you can serve tea by yourself to your parents and elders before the marriage ceremony. After the marriage ceremony, both you and your groom can serve to both sides of the families at a location you desire. Typically, the grooms family are served first.

• “Where shall I have my Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony?” ~  The very first question is if the preference is an intimate ceremony or one that includes all your guests. This will determine where to have the Tea Ceremony. For a private ceremony, tea can be served in the home of the bride or grooms family or an intimate suite at the reception or banquet venue. If your preference is for all of your guests to witness this special ceremony, ensure there is enough space to accommodate everyone. Some beautiful venues may have stunning garden temples that may make it the perfect location for your Tea Ceremony. You could even choose between indoor or outdoors ~ depending on the weather!      
•                                   

• “What do I need for my Chinese WeddingTea Ceremony?” Must have items are the tea set {tea pot, tea cups and tray} two red cushions and two chairs… or at least comfortable seating enough for a couple. Two red dates in each cup and nice warm tea, some will also choose to have half lotus seeds. The meaning behind the dates and lotus seeds is to bring rich fertility to your marriage. Have a ‘Lucky Lady’, a wedding planner or even a bridesmaid to pour the tea. If family and friends are witnessing your tea ceremony, ensure that they are stood or seated behind you both and therefore facing your elders that you are serving tea to.

• “Who do we serve first and followed in which order?” If it’s a joint Tea Ceremony, tradition is to serve tea to the grooms parents first. This will then be followed in the order of the eldest in the grooms family (grandparents or Uncles and Aunties) to the youngest elder, then repeated in the same generation order for the brides family. If serving to a married elder who is the same generation to the bride and groom (older brothers and sisters) it is not a requirement to kneel to give tea. Both Bride and Groom and the elder receiving the tea can be standing.

• “Who will hand us the tea?”  Your ‘Lucky Lady’, a bridesmaid or an experienced wedding planner will hold the tray with the teacups and teapot. She will proceed to pour the tea and hand to you to serve to your elder. For every couple you serve, there should be four tea cups on the tea tray. If serving to one person, ensure there is only enough tea cups on the tray for one person; so one from the bride and one from  the groom. 

• “Is there anything in particular I need to say or do when serving tea?” Always hold the tea cup and give with both hands. When giving tea, always address an elder with their formal title. For example “Grandma, please drink tea”

• “What happens once we have handed the tea to our elder” The person who you serve tea to will take a sip and put the tea cup back on the tea tray that your Lucky Lady or bridesmaid is holding. They will then give you their gift. This can be a Lai-See/ Hung Bao (also known as a Lucky Red Envelope} which contain money or gold jewellery… or they may give you gold jewellery and will put it on for you, at the same time saying lucky and meaningful words. Place your Lai-See on your tea tray and have an appointed person take care of your gift.

• “I would like to invite guests to witness our Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony but some are unfamiliar with it. How can I ensure that they are comfortable”  Most guests will enjoy and feel honoured to witness your tea ceremony. One way to put them at ease is to maybe have an Order of Day printed which can include details of the ceremony (like the history and meaning of the Tea Ceremony) and any other elements that has been planned for the wedding day. If many guests are familiar with the ceremony, maybe ask certain people, like ushers and bridesmaids to explain to those that are unfamiliar. A wedding planner with experience of the Tea Ceremony can also help in explaining this tradition.

• “As a wedding planner, are there any other tips you would give to ensure our Chinese Tea Ceremony is a success?”  I will recommend as well as having the ‘Lucky Lady’ or bridesmaid to serve tea, have one other person behind the tea lady to ensure there is always enough warm/hot tea to help re-fill the small tea pot. Also have a close friend or relative close by to safe keep all the Lai-See and gold you receive. Ensure that you have already instructed your friend or relative where you wish the Lai-See and gold to be kept for the duration of your wedding.  May I also recommend that the elders are gathered together by someone in the family when it’s time for the Tea Ceremony. Having someone who know all your elders will ensure the smooth running it.